


Increments

by Steve



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:13:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23161513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steve/pseuds/Steve
Summary: Their first session lasted two minutes before Peebee stood up and walked out of the med-bay while Lexi was in the middle of a sentence.Progress is progress,Lexi tried to tell herself. The fact that Peebee was considering talking to her at all—outside of the context of jibes tossed back and forth over a comm-link—was something to celebrate.
Relationships: Peebee & Lexi T'Perro, Peebee/Female Ryder | Sara
Comments: 7
Kudos: 43
Collections: Spectre Requisitions 2020





	Increments

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cakeisatruth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cakeisatruth/gifts).



> Set late-game, post-Loyalty mission.

A week after the incident with the escape pod and Peebee, Ryder, and Jaal nearly dying in a volcano, Peebee booked an appointment with Lexi through the med-bay VI.

She canceled and rebooked it three times before actually showing up.

Their first session lasted two minutes before Peebee stood up and walked out of the med-bay while Lexi was in the middle of a sentence.

 _Progress is progress,_ Lexi tried to tell herself. The fact that Peebee was considering talking to her at all—outside of the context of jibes tossed back and forth over a comm-link—was something to celebrate.

#

After that first attempt, Peebee went back to avoiding her as much as possible. But Lexi kept tabs on her, like Lexi kept tabs on all of the crew. The team complained good-naturedly about their mandatory physicals and mental wellness check-ins with her, but all of them except Peebee still took the "mandatory" part seriously and actually showed up, for the most part.

Only Ryder, Jaal, Liam, and Cora visited the med-bay regularly for voluntary counseling sessions. Suvi and Kallo dropped by from time to time when they needed advice. Vetra—under duress from Ryder—started coming in to talk a little more often, too, after everything that happened with Sid. Gil was almost as avoidant as Peebee. And Drack—well, he insisted he didn't need a doctor, but he dragged Lexi out of the med-bay and into the galley to shoot the shit, "as your friend, not a damn patient, doc."

Peebee... Peebee was a singsong voice on the other end of the comm-link, bantering with the rest of the crew yet always knowing the exact thing to say to crawl under Lexi's skin; she was a retreating back at the end of hallways, still refusing to stick around in the same room as Lexi even after all these months; she was increasingly a topic in Ryder's own counseling sessions, as the Pathfinder's relationship with her grew only more complicated and more important.

Peebee was a phantom, a stowaway, difficult and infuriating. But she was still one of Lexi's patients. Lexi took that seriously. But Ryder advised her that it wouldn't be effective to chase her down; Lexi would just have to wait for Peebee to come to her.

#

Peebee's second session with Lexi lasted twelve minutes.

"So," she said, draped languidly across one of Lexi's desk chairs, "Ryder tells me you grew up on Omega."

"That's right. Both of my parents worked at Afterlife."

"No shit. Would never have been able to tell, just looking at you."

"Why not?" Lexi smiled thinly. "I don't strike you as dangerous?"

"You didn't strike me as interesting." Peebee flicked a wrist, careless. "From the way _you_ conduct yourself, I assumed you spent the last two hundred years on Thessia. Or Palaven, even!"

"Okay." Lexi tried to pretend that didn't sting. "Your antagonistic feelings toward me aside, Peebee—"

"No antagonism, doc," she interrupted. "Past tense. You _didn't_ strike me as interesting. But... I'm starting to think you're a bit different than what I initially thought. And Ryder trusts you, so..."

"So?"

"So here I am."

"Not that I'm not shocked and relieved you stepped foot in here at all, but—" Lexi sighed, tapped her datapad. "What _are_ you here for, exactly, Peebee? I do need to put something in my notes."

"I'm sure you have plenty to start with already." Now Peebee smirked, leaning forward. "What have you scribbled in there about me for the past few months, huh?"

"Would you like to guess?" said Lexi, playing along.

"Oh, I don't know. 'Lives in an escape pod, commitment issues, easily bored, impulsive and hedonistic, suspicious of authority, extremely gorgeous and intelligent and charming'... Nothing I haven't heard from the rest of the team."

"Yes, you were keen on holding the others at arm's length with that very persona you just described."

"It's not a _persona_ , doc, just my personality."

"Perhaps." Lexi looked up from her notes, studying the younger asari's face. "Yet a few weeks ago, you called that same team you were distancing yourself from—you called these people into the comm room and embraced them as your family."

"Freakin' snitches," Peebee muttered under her breath. Then she made a face. "And who said anything about _embracing?_ The only embracing that happened didn't involve Cora or Drack, I'll tell you that much—"

"I meant it figuratively—"

"—the _embracing_ is between me, the Pathfinder, and her very cozy bed—"

"Okay, okay. Do you always use your sex life as a method of deflection?"

"Oh, boy." Peebee puffed out a belabored sigh. "Here we go. Getting right into it now, huh?"

"Well, admittedly you're not giving me much to go on." Lexi tapped through her notes. Followed a hunch formed from her talks with Ryder. "But maybe we've arrived at the heart of the matter. Are you here today because of your relationship with the Pathfinder?"

"I—no. Yes. Sort of?"

"Take your time."

Peebee did, fidgeting and frowning all the while.

"Okay," she said finally, words tumbling out in an exasperated rush. "Fine. Let me talk straight with you for a sec, Lexi. This morning I woke up in her room and she was still asleep, drooling on the pillow all cute and disgusting, and it was idyllic and sappy and romantic and yada, yada. And it's—I can't fuck this up, okay? I won't. I told her I'd be going all in with her. So here I am, all in. Attempting, anyway."

Lexi smiled wide. "That's fantastic, Peebee. I'm so glad you're reaching out to me about this—"

"Yeah, cool, me too." Peebee rose to her feet, dusted off her jacket. "But let's keep this bite-sized, yeah? Baby steps. So, um—catch you next week!"

She was out the door again.

Lexi sighed. And smiled.

_Progress is progress._

#

In their fifth session, they talked about family. At least—Lexi tried.

"Your file says you grew up on Hyetiana?"

"Is this the part where we pick apart my boring childhood?"

Lexi smiled innocently. "If that's what you'd like to talk about, yes."

"Pass."

"Hm. There's a great many topics you've 'passed' on at this point." Lexi scrolled through her notes from her previous—always brief—conversations with Peebee. "Your upbringing, your parents, Kalinda, your past relationships, your current relationship—"

"Hey! I talk about my relationship with Ryder. That's why I'm here, isn't it?" Peebee crossed her arms. "I'm just not talking about the highly specific things you want me to talk about."

"I get the sense you're a skeptic when it comes to psychiatry, Peebee."

"Gee, what gave you that idea?"

"But you're a scientist. Surely you can respect the centuries of empirical research backing up my profession."

"Eh." Peebee made a vague hand motion. "I trust you to set a bone, prescribe the right kind of drug for weird fevers or Suvi's food poisoning. But psychology is a soft science, doc. I've studied physics and engineering, and I've studied philosophy and theology—and most days I think psychology fits in closer with the latter."

"That's an... interesting perspective, although not one I entirely agree with." Lexi tilted her head curiously. "You studied theology?"

"Yeah. Did a degree in Hanar Theology. It was fascinating, to say the least." She shrugged. "Religion gives people a way to make sense of the world and their experiences. People like cut-and-clean stories, reasons for why shit happens and why they are the way they are—far as I'm concerned, a lot of folks rely on psychology the same way. There's an element of biology to it, sure, neurochemistry, but in the end there's no concrete, empirical backing to explain all the different ways we might be screwed up. Nothing rigorous enough to hold up under proper scrutiny anyway, so all we get is shrinks who point to some stupid childhood damage and pin everything on that."

"Sounds like you've made up your mind," said Lexi steadily. "So why are you still here?"

"I'm curious. I'm... trying. Minds can change."

 _Not without trust, or a willingness to open up,_ thought Lexi. But perhaps that trust would simply have to be earned—built slowly, cell by cell.

Peebee grinned at her. "Why don't you tell me about _your_ childhood, doc? Then we'll see where the conversation goes."

Lexi made a show of sighing, rolling her eyes. But went along with it. "I told you my parents worked in Afterlife. My mother was a dancer."

"Damn. You ever dance?"

"No. I spent most of my time on Omega helping to patch up my father."

"Was he one of Aria's mercs?"

"No, just a bouncer." Lexi shot a question back at her: "Did you ever dance?"

"I tried it for a hot second. Like, maybe a week. Not at _Afterlife_ , though." Peebee made a face. "No offense."

"You didn't like dancing?"

"No, it was fun. But I moved on quickly. That was me with all my 'jobs'—ugh, hate that word—back in the Milky Way. After I got bored of collecting degrees, I mean."

"Hyetiana is a renowned research outpost. Did growing up there spark your interest in academia?"

"Oh, you're tricky, doc." Peebee laughed, more good-natured than mean. "Hm, maybe. I think at first, finding a university to throw myself into was just the easiest route to get away from home as early as I possibly could."

"I left home at a young age as well," said Lexi. "Early admission to medical school on the Citadel. My parents were so proud of me for getting out of Omega."

"Yeeaaaah, well. Making my parents proud was never a priority. I had the opposite goal, really."

"So you didn't get along with them? Is that why you were so keen on getting away?"

"My mother was a stodgy old matriarch by the time she had me. My _sister_ was a matriarch." For the first time in their conversation, Peebee sounded bitter. It was startling. "They teamed up on me. Had a plan to make sure I didn't turn out like all those asari spending their maden years in a strip club or merc gang." She snorted. "I can't tell if they failed spectacularly or succeeded."

"Well, you're not in a strip club or a merc gang."

"Yeah, but only 'cause I tried both already and got bored." Peebee smirked, but it faded quickly. "Before leaving the Milky Way, I hadn't talked to either of them in ten years. Now they're both definitely dead." She frowned. "Well, my sister might be alive but she'd be really, _really_ old. A fossil almost as ancient as Drack."

"You didn't say goodbye to them?" Lexi asked, keeping her voice even.

She'd been working on her bedside manner ever since getting assigned to the Tempest, but her colleagues on the Citadel always told her she tended to sound judgmental—not an ideal quirk for any medical professional, let alone a psychiatrist. (Ryder had only laughed when she confided this to her. "With the amount you put up with from us," she said, "I think you've earned rights to be the judgiest doctor in the galaxy.")

Peebee, for her part, met Lexi's gaze steadily. Defensive again, but cool and firm.

"No. I didn't say goodbye to them. To be honest, it didn't even occur to me."

"Really?"

"...No." Peebee rolled her shoulders, sighing. "Nah, that was a lie. I thought about it, but—I didn't have a single thing to say to them, really. 'See ya never, have a nice life?' I basically already said that when I left on my first study abroad."

"Do you regret not contacting them? It's okay if you don't." Lexi paused. "It's also okay if you do. Many people in the Initiative didn't realize there was something they even wanted closure to, until they woke up in another galaxy."

"I don't know. I don't think I lack closure. I don't really say goodbye, ever. I just leave." Peebee exhaled. "But I regret—I don't know. Before leaving the Milky Way, it was Kalinda who convinced me I didn't need to even send a note to my family if I didn't want to. I think I regret not knowing for sure whether my—feelings about not saying goodbye to my mom, were what I really felt or just what Kalinda convinced me to feel."

"Do you feel that way about many things from your time with Kalinda?"

"Nope, not going there." Peebee gave a stony smile. But she winked, too, softening the denial. "Still not talking about Kalinda. In fact, I think our time's up today, doc."

"Not really."

"Well, maybe your clock needs fixing, then." She sprang from her chair, stretching. "Catch you next week, Lexi."

Lexi relaxed. It was beginning to sound like a promise.

#

"So," said Lexi. "I noticed you and Ryder getting quite... affectionate during movie night."

"I blame angaran liquor," Peebee said breezily.

"And you're more or less staying in the Pathfinder's quarters every night now?"

"Ugh." Peebee grimaced. "You sound like the others."

Lexi blinked, caught off-guard. "What do you mean?"

"Everyone seems to assume I'm going to break Ryder's heart. I've gotten separate shovel talks from Liam, Cora, even Gil _._ "

"I see. Does it bother you that they're afraid you might hurt Ryder?" Lexi asked gently. "Or does it bother you that they don't think to consider how she might hurt _you?_ "

"Well, shit, Lexi. Not pulling punches, huh?" She smiled, looking almost impressed. "...A little of column A, a little of column B, I suppose. But I mean—I get _why_ they think that. I'm a flighty asshole with commitment issues, and Ryder's... Ryder." Here Peebee blew out a long breath, clenched a shaking hand into a fist on her lap. "But you know, the thing is—I wasn't the one who dumped Kalinda, you know? She got bored of _me._ She left _me_ behind."

"Ah." The K-word was cropping up more and more often in their talks, but Lexi learned she had to tread carefully around the subject each time. "I don't think anybody would look at your history with Kalinda and think you were the one at fault in that relationship."

" _I_ look at the relationship and _I_ think that." Peebee made a frustrated noise in the back of her throat. "She was such an utter bitch, and she _still_ got to have the last word. And I was left in the dust, picking up the pieces. Shit. Isn't that pathetic?"

"I don't think it is, Peebee," Lexi said calmly. "You cared about her. Kalinda hurt you—but made you feel cared for, too. It's very common in such relationships to feel like you still need this other person, despite how they treated you badly."

"Uh, yeah, like I said? Pathetic."

"On the contrary. You're remarkably resilient, Peebee." Lexi straightened in her chair, not breaking eye contact. "Look at it this way. If Ryder had a relationship with someone that was like the relationship you had with Kalinda—and in the end, Ryder was the one who got left behind, and her partner 'got the last word,' as you say—would you consider her pathetic?"

Peebee was silent for a long moment, mulling her words. This was unusual for her—she rarely needed time to process anything Lexi said before shooting off a response.

"Well," she said at last, "I guess in the end Kalinda didn't get the last word, did she? I had to save her sorry ass in that volcano. And now she's back to acting all sugary and remorseful."

An edge of bitterness crept into Peebee's voice again.

"Just because she's sorry," said Lexi, "doesn't mean you have to forgive her."

"Not this time." Peebee smiled, sharp, brittle, but her shoulders relaxed a fraction. "I know that much, doc."

"And for the record," said Lexi, "I didn't bring up the increasing seriousness of your relationship with Ryder because I wanted to give a 'shovel talk,' as you put it. I'm proud of you both for the progression in your relationship." She smiled placidly. "And as your doctor, also concerned for you both. It's my job to check in with you, after all."

Peebee blinked. "You talk to Ryder about me?"

"...Sometimes you come up, yes. You're a big part of her life."

"Oh, shit. Wait. Does that mean Ryder talks about me to you? What does she say?"

"You know I can't answer that. Patient confidentiality."

"Boo." Peebee slumped back, but there was a teasing light in her eye. "You're no help."

"I can say... everybody has fears about letting down their loved ones. Or about _getting_ let down, getting hurt. That's what makes relationships so scary."

"So I should totally go back to lone wolf-ing it, right? Cool, great, I'm gonna tell Ryder it was your idea that I should dump her—"

"No, Peebee." Lexi laughed. "That's also what makes relationships worth it, I think. The fact that you're giving yourself to someone, giving them the power to hurt you, and trusting them not to. And they mirror that trust back at you."

"Well. Sometimes you end up hurting each other anyway."

"That's true," conceded Lexi. "And that's inevitable in almost any relationship, even healthy ones. What matters is what comes after—communication, healing, doing better. Or not. It's how you determine whether there's something in there worth salvaging, worth working for."

"Maaaybe," said Peebee, sounding thoroughly unconvinced. "Pretty words, coming from you. I don't see you opening yourself up to love or otherwise, doc, so isn't this sort of the blind leading the blind?"

Her tone was jovial, teasing, but Lexi still had to hold back a wince. As always, Peebee's observation hit a little too close to home. Echoed her past relationships, failed friendships, the voice in the back of her head that told her she was better at being a doctor than a partner, a friend, a person.

"...Sorry," said Peebee eventually, picking up on something Lexi had been certain she was excellent at tamping down. "Low blow?"

"It's all right," said Lexi, shaking her head. She smiled slightly. "But I do think our time is up and Liam is waiting outside for his physical."

"Wow. I actually stuck around for the whole hour, huh?" Peebee bumped her fist on Lexi's shoulder. "Maybe people _can_ change."

#

**Subject:** Not bad.  
To: Lexi  
From: Peebee

_Hey doc,_

_I couldn't sleep last night so I read your crazy krogan virility thesis (swiped it from Ryder's inbox, sorry). Have you sent this thing to Drack? Or maybe the quick-notes version? 500 pages is a little much for getting across how sexy you think his species is._

_But your methodology and cross-referencing were both solid, by the by. Figures you'd excel at the dry, boring parts of academic research that always bored me to tears. It wasn't bad night reading, though, so? Thanks._

_I've attached some reading I dug up from my datapad if you want some entertainment other than patient files and medical journals. Tell me what you think._

_Catch you next week._

_Peebee_

_[Attachment: True Tales of the Ardat-Yakshi #77—Scintillating Screams & Seduction.]_

**Subject:** RE: Not bad.  
To: Peebee  
From: Lexi

_Peebee—_

_The thesis you speak of is an academic paper of assuredly no interest to a man like Drack. I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm flattered you took the time to read it. I wrote a much more thorough dissertation for the Citadel Journal of Medicine if you're interested in the topic. It's only around 1400 pages and includes mating diagrams._

_(Yes, ha ha. Please withhold comment on the diagrams.)_

_Thank you for the reading you sent me. It was very enjoyable, if a violation of galactic copyright law. But I suppose those rules don't quite apply to a new galaxy, do they?_

_...Thank you. Again. Really._

_Catch you next week._

_Lexi_


End file.
